I don’t have what it takes…

A thought from Jason, my husband and and soon to be daddy to our Little One. 

  
You cannot explain the thoughts that run through your head whilst waiting to become a father… I mean, they’re scary!

Am I going to be good enough? Do I have what it takes to lead this little one in a healthy fulfilling life? Do I have what it takes to be a father, never mind being a good father?!? I’m just not good enough… what was I thinking?

The thought of being responsible for another life is just crazy! It’s nuts! I can barely keep it together in my own life and now I have to look after another!?! 
How can I honestly be trusted to look after someone other than myself?

But then it hit me…

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NLT).

It took me while to reach the point where I began to understand the love of YWHW, but this verse made it clear.

I don’t need to have it all together… I don’t need to be ‘ready’ to be a father… I don’t have to be perfect… I can just be me…

Because of Jesus’ grace I can take comfort in knowing that I don’t need to have it all together… If I did, what would the point of God sending Jesus to earth be?
I don’t need to be the perfect father, because He already is and He will help me strive to be the very best father I can be.

So… I’m going to enjoy the ride as a father to be, and I’ll enjoy the ride even more when our Little One arrives. 

Jason

  
There is no doubt in my mind that Jason is going to be the best dad to our Little One.  

I know this, because of the way he loves me. 

I know this, because when he was ready for us to begin this process, he patiently waited for me to be ready. 

I know this, because of his gentle ways, his love for our nieces, nephews and God-children, his child-like ways with each child. 

He has the amazing ability to get right down to each child’s level, meet them where they’re at, and no matter how silly he may look to us fellow grown ups, he will be that silly clown that our nieces, nephews and God-children love. 

He is Uncle J – that uncle that goes out of his way to be embarrassing, because he loves them. He goes out of his way to ask silly questions and say silly things, so the child can shine. He will tickle, cuddle, love, hug, play-wrestle, high-5. 

He is Uncle J. I cannot wait to see him become Jason, aka Daddy.

Jason meeting Cayley, our newest niece, with her proud big brother Kaiden. Mom and Dad: Candice (Jason’s sister) and Ignatius Miller.
  

Kaiden loves his Uncle J – he loves to show Uncle J all his trains, planes and cars!
  

Jason with Dylan, our nephew who loves to run and ride his bike, and play! Mom and Dad: Judy (my sister) and Robert Jooste.
  

  

Jason and Braydon, our youngest god-child! Jason held him when he was 8 hours old – the youngest baby Jason ever held! Mom :Cindy Holmes
  

Jason and Amber-Lee, our oldest niece! Jason has made it clear to Ambie that he is the only man allowed to give her flowers, and if there is a boy who wants to give her flowers, he will need to go through Uncle J first – protective much? Mom: Brenda van den Berg (Jason’s sister)
  

Jason and Dylan, our oldest god-child. The bond between these 2 is everlasting. They did karate together, they have gone to sports games together, they have played cricket together. Mom: Cindy Holmes
  

Jason and Tayla, our god-daughter. This little girl has her Uncle J wrapped around her finger! He will watch Frozen and Barney with her, he will play dolls with her. Tayla adores her Uncle J! Mom: Cindy Holmes.
  

  

Jason and Chevy, the world’s best cuddle buddies!
  

Man and his best friend!
  

Let’s stand together…

As we get further and further along in the adoption process, the more excited we are getting. We cannot wait to be mommy and daddy to a sweet Little One. We cannot wait to hold our baby, love our baby, care for our baby. Simply put, we cannot wait to be parents. 

However, the journey so far hasn’t been without it’s bumps in the road. Nothing major, but bumps nonetheless. And one of the biggest bumps we’ve encountered hasn’t necessarily been about the adoption process. The bump has been something we will have to deal with once we have our baby. 

When we first started this whole process, I was open with my work, telling them we are adopting, our family is expanding, and I will need to go on maternity leave when we have our baby. Which is all good and well. Except there was some confusion surrounding the laws on adoption and maternity leave. Wait, what?!?! We kept getting conflicting answers from various people, who we assumed would have some knowledge on the issue. Some people said there is no law for maternity leave for adoptive mothers, in the Basic Employment Act. Or the law is not clear, and does not specifically mention adoption and maternity leave. Others said that an adoptive mother is entitled to the same maternity benefits as a pregnant woman. But no one had a definitive answer. All the answers were “This is what I think it is…”  This did not help us much. 

  
And then, I came across a blog post, with the cold hard truth. I recently shared a post, asking fellow mom friends for tips/advice and mom-blogs I could follow, as we prepare for our Little One. And the response was amazing – thank you to everyone who shared your tips with me. Some blogs were shared with me as well. 

One of these blogs was Shell Shocked Mummy. Laverne Vermeulen is the lovely lady behind Shell Shocked Mummy, who has adopted as well. And the first post I read on Shell Shocked Mummy, just happened to deal with maternity leave and adoption. And it was not what I expected, or what I was hoping for. As Laverne so aptly titled the post, it definitely is true that our government does not care about us. You see, as it turns out, there is no law at all that says an adoptive mom is entitled to any maternity leave at all. None. Nothing. Not one day. It is up to the discretion of the company you work for, to determine if you will be allowed to take maternity leave, and how long it will be. As an adoptive mom, you are not entitled to the standard 4 months leave. 

I was horrified to read this. How can it be possible? How is this fair? I may not be pregnant. I may not be having a baby in the conventional, ‘usual’ way. But I am still having a baby. I will still be Mommy to a Little One. Our family is still expanding. We are having a baby. How can I not be granted the same maternity benefits as any other pregnant woman? I need that bonding time with my baby.  Just as much as any other new mom needs that bonding time. 

On that note, Shell Shocked Mummy is standing up for us. She is taking on the South African government. And fighting to have this law changed. A petition has been started. If you would like to add your name to this petition, you can do that here. I have added my name. Would you take a few minutes, and add yours to the list as well? Every name counts. Every name is one step closer to changing this law. 

Thank you, Shell Shocked Mummy, for taking on this fight for us. And thank you to those who have already added their names to the petition.